Archive for Happiness
Self Expression as Factor in Happiness
Posted by: | CommentsMammals are very social beings. They can usually be found living in communities. The advantage of living in communities can be for survival but it then has a big communication component. We communicate to take 
care of basic necessities, but then we like to communicate to express ourselves. Mammals like to play and frolic.
What is it about play that is so fundamentally important? Children love to play, dolphins love to play, horses love to romp and chase. It is an expression of feeling good. It is a form of happiness. And yet with our tremendous mental capacity, we can play in many more ways than the physical.
In our youth, little girls’ minds develop faster and they take to conversation before boys. Boys develop physically faster and they take to the terrible two’s because that’s how they best express themselves at that stage. Later we might use our minds or our bodies or both to express what we feel and who we are. It is our way of playing out our experience of what life means to us.
The more we focus, the more uniquely or skilled our expressions can be. The 10,000 hours of practice makes people experts in their expressions. The term “flow” is said to be the highest form of emotional intelligence, at least as defined by Daniel Goleman in his book Emotional Intelligence. Being “in the zone” is the place a person can achieve with practiced skills to the exclusion of distractions and with disregard to judgment.
Neurologists say that being in flow or in the zone, the brain produces dopamine as our happiness chemical. We are pre-wired to be experts in expressing ourselves and getting rewarded for doing so. Maybe in our search for “happiness” through acquiring and achieving we lose touch with the most elementary mammal desire.
We like to express ourselves and we are often inclined to see if their is a limit to just how good we can be. Why climb Everest? Because it’s the tallest mountain or we would climb something else. Why go to the moon? To see if we can do it. Why practice the violin ten hours a day? Because we want to see just how good we could be.
If you are getting bogged down in daily life and want to find some happiness, key into a passion of self expression. We often use up our time with meaningless activities like TV, marrying our smart phones, and so on when real happiness awaits our arrival.
Get into something that is uniquely you. Write, dance, cook, build, paint, sew, climb, surf, bike, or whatever it is you could practice regularly and improve upon your skills. This is where happiness lies.
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What Smiling Does for Happiness
Posted by: | CommentsIt’s hard to smile if you’re not happy about something. Smiling usually indicates something has tickled your fancy. So why not use smiling to get out of negative thoughts.
We take life seriously, often too seriously. We have our daily objectives of what must get done today to keep our job or life in order. During the day there will be many obstacles of life events that try to frustrate our progress, like traffic.
We need a smile library. Go through the things in your memories that have made you smile or when you think of them make you smile. Sometimes you can smile with joy just thinking about a certain person. Sometimes you could smile thinking about your favorite dessert. Maybe you got a big check and you felt proud or your child kicked a goal that won a game.
Go to this library to break your mood when life is getting in your way.
I have created a Google + page on Health Fitness and Happiness and soon I will put photos of things that make me smile. Maybe they’ll work for you or maybe you have your own that your mind can bring up on call.
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How We Try to Manipulate Happiness
Posted by: | CommentsWith enough money you can buy anything. So we believe, when we are young and sometimes as we grow older.
We know some people who get really rich and are in the public eye get themselves into very unhappy situations. We’re they rich in our minds and not in theirs? Did they give up on improving after they hit a plateau? We might think they had more money than we would need, but did they think they did not have enough money or that with the money, they didn’t get what they needed to fill the hole?
We manipulate happiness buying things even if we don’t think we are rich. We try buying things because at the moment we fill an inkling of richness and want the whole feel of happiness that buying something brings. It often brings that feeling for a few minutes or hours or maybe even weeks.
Food can bring temporary happiness when we don’t have the money or the inclination to go out and buy something. Obesity is certainly the one result of trying to buy a lot of happiness with food. Alcohol and drugs bring on a lot of nervous system relief which feels like happiness. When you are not worried or anxious, that’s almost as good as happiness.
But happiness would be better if we didn’t have to buy, eat, or drink our way to it. Do the dues seem to steep to pay to endeavor doing it the hard and long way? Are we strong enough to take the pain without the medicine of quick reliefs?
What are some of the feelings of happiness? Health, fitness, love, gratitude, charity, generosity, contribution, and self expression to name a few. What do they require? Some real basics would be respecting ourselves, respecting others, wishing well for others, and gratitude for who we are and what we have.
Whether or not we have money or fame we can always be more than we are. We can work on skills and become more skilled. Skills express who we are. When we are engaged in activities that we enjoy and that require our skills we can get into blissful enjoyment. It is also called flow or being in the zone. The body rewards this pursuit with the happiness chemical dopamine and other neurotransmitters. The short cut for a few minutes is cocaine.
Love is probably the best solution because it seriously bathes our entire mind, body and spirit. When we love ourselves because we have the opportunity to self express, enjoy nature, give to others, and receive others’ love, we are living in flow. Our minds are continuously producing dopamine without the need for money, food, or alcohol.
We can start appreciating our selves by taking care of the body nature gave us. In doing so, we become at one with nature, God, the Universe or what ever you want to call it. With the discipline to eat healthy, exercise to burn muscle, and engage in activities that spark our passions we are achieving true happiness that can last years.
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How to Bake the Cake of Happiness
Posted by: | CommentsFor some reason I seem to be stuck on the cake analogy lately, but I have found that happiness requires several ingredients.
You have to have some peace of mind or freedom from anxiety or you are not going to be happy. There are some important requirements and steps that can be taken. I cannot include your need for medication for anxiety but I will assume normal every day stresses of job, family, and future types of anxieties.
You need to have a plan and feel your house is in order. Your finances don’t have to perfect, but you need to be free of worry about impending doom. You have to live within your means. If you can cut back to the point you have savings every month, even if its a dollar, you are there.
Your relationships have to be in order. If you have unresolved issues with people close to you, this will prey on your mind. You have to be in good health. Chronic issues or concern about developing issues can wreak havoc on your nervous system.
If you are clear of health problems, start building better health in the future with healthy eating and exercise. The leanness you will gain, the pride you will feel, and the relaxation that will result from daily exercise will start to build exponential benefits.
Start expressing yourself. You are a wonder of nature. You have the same talents as given to famous people except they have practiced more than you. Start investing time into a passion that expresses who you are. As you build competence you will experience periods of “flow” which is engagement without concern for judgment. The brain produces dopamine as happiness in reward for your efforts.
Having your house in order and creating flow in your life daily produces a very delicious cake.
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Real Fun Doesn’t Need Alcohol
Posted by: | CommentsWhen ever we think about blowing off some steam, alcohol seems to be part of the equation. One of the reasons we need to blow off steam is that we are not having fun during the week. We really can’t help it if we don’t like our job or if it is too stressful because we need the money.
Real fun comes from stretching your capabilities and reaching new plateaus in self expression or new frontiers in your passionate pursuits. There is risk expressing yourself. It takes as much courage as jumping out of an air plane. I know, I have done both. I used to think that if I conquered things that scared me I would eliminate fear.
I learned you can’t eliminate fear and if you hide, you just live a boring life. You can learn to manager fear. Big time surfers looking at 25 foot waves have lots of fear. They know that death could be the result of their fun. They have practiced competence and apply it to test their capabilities. That’s real fun.
Testing your limits creates adrenaline and the right amount of adrenaline leads to the production of dopamine. Dopamine is your brain neurotransmitter commonly associated with happiness. Now we’re talking. If we could have the right dose of daily adrenaline that produced copious amounts of dopamine, we wouldn’t need alcohol to have fun.
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Happiness is a Collection of Habits
Posted by: | CommentsSetting your mindset to positive is what happiness is about. Do you see the glass as half full, are you optimistic about outcomes, do you feel gratitude every day?
If each circumstance you face is an opportunity instead of an insurmountable obstacle meant to ruin your life, you probably smile a lot, enjoy various activities during the day, love to eat healthy, exercise, treat others kindly, and feel you are contributing to the better of lives or the planet.
If you don’t have these feelings then maybe you should start including the above activities and behaviors in your life. The result of each one is usually more dopamine which is your brain’s happiness chemical. Flow is engaging in activities that are challenging but within your capabilities. Flow is a real dopamine producer.
Eating healthy and exercising support positive brain activity and support both alpha and beta waves. Beta waves at the healthy level give you the adrenaline you need to accomplish tasks but is short of the amount that throws you into anxiety or Post Traumatic Stress Disorder.
Building health as a priority says you value your life and you want to live better and longer to make a better contribution. Placing tasks over health says you probably are anxious and not getting the most enjoyment out of your days on earth. Even if you are a self sacrificer, your well being is important for you to develop gratitude and a generous spirit that others will find infectious.
Living well is a contribution because it acts as an example that others can follow to make their lives better.
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The Life Affects of Having One or Two Passions
Posted by: | CommentsThere are not too many positive feelings better than passion. Even people who express anger or like being scared at the movies are getting high on the intense feelings that make you feel alive. We have a need to feel alive and if we don’t get it from positive engagement we often turn to negative behaviors.
Flow is the engagement in activities that we find challenging, but are within our capabilities. When engaged we bar distractions from our consciousness and get lost in the activity at hand. It is the supreme level of enjoyment. Our brain registers our contentment by producing dopamine, the happiness neurotransmitter.
Having a passion in which you can engage everyday starts setting up your emotional balance to a positive outlook. You look forward to it in advance and you revel in the feelings afterward. It creates a rest for your nervous system similar to sleep or a vacation. We need these breaks from the tension and stress of daily existence.
If you can string several passionate activities together in a day, your life starts looking more like flow and less like negativity. Passions that lead to flow require practiced activity, discipline, risk, and courage. To get better you have to leave your comfort zone. Risk is exciting, but this is controlled risk in many ways. The only real risk is whether your ego take set backs or failure to progress.
Better to adrenalize your system with risk of progress than negative behaviors that reinforce you are alive.
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Turning Negative Thoughts Around to Positive
Posted by: | CommentsWe all have those little moments when the negative thoughts try to take over our mind. They can come in the middle of a perfectly good day or often slip in during the night when we are sleeping and vulnerable.
The first trick is catching them and saying to yourself, these are negative thoughts. The second trick is having your little reservoir of positive thoughts that you can access at any time. You have to identify that you are having negative thoughts and move to your positive thoughts.
I can go to a day where I had three good events. I made a great break through in my surfing in the morning, I went with a friend to a fun restaurant we hadn’t tried, and then I sold a surf board in the evening. On another day I had a fun surf session in the morning and enjoyed a visit from a friend and went to a happy hour with two other friends.
It doesn’t matter that these events actually occurred on different days. I put them all together on the same day and can recall how I felt about each break through or social occasion. Each recall puts my mind into a happy place and forces the bad thought to the rear. I will stay with the happy thoughts until the bad ones are gone.
The final trick is catching the bad thoughts early and every time. As soon as doubt or anxiety or fear creeps in, I go to a positive, happy, or success story thought. Luckily, negative and happy thoughts can’t exist in the same space.
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My activities are my passions and I weave them together for creating happiness. I like to surf, write, design websites, coach, and speak. A winning formula can apply to all your activities.
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Fun Breaks Make Life Fun
Posted by: | CommentsYou can take a break from routine and it doesn’t always have to be a vacation. Sometimes the spontaneous is the most fun. When you return to your routine, you feel invigorated. Sometimes dropping a routine is just as good. For instance, try not watching TV one night and see what happens.
A friend asked me if I wanted to visit a great little restaurant in downtown San Diego that he had not tried. It turned out to be a great spot with a view of the bay, windows open all around and a selection of draft ales. It was a great break. I had lunch with another friend yesterday and we enjoyed a roof top view of Oceanside while sitting in the sun and having good food.
Sometimes going for a run or taking time off to do something you would not normally do adds a little spontaneity and reminds you that there is life outside your life. I live at the beach and see it every day. I was surprised how invigorating a trip to Kauai was just because it was a total change of scenery and routine.
Your life can have more subtle but just as impacting changes by adding activities and taking away activities. Do something new you had been daring yourself to try. Try writing, painting, cooking, reading, hiking, biking, charity, or any number of things that could become passions. Take away distractions. Leave your phone at home for a few hours or a day. Don’t read the newspaper one day. Leave your emails or social networking alone for a day.
The ultimate change is to give yourself more time with yourself to see if any creative thoughts arise. Its hard to be happy if you can’t spend time with your own thoughts. Create a little time each day that you do something just for you. Then create more time where you pursue something just for you.Your life can get into flow where you combine work and passions.
When that time becomes a contribution to others, you are going to feel really inspired.
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Doing the Right Things Everyday for Happiness
Posted by: | CommentsHappiness can be at the end of the curve, but health and fitness are just as important in building a foundation for a successful life. When I say successful, I am not talking about money and fame. I am talking about having gratitude and enjoying every day.
Good results do not happen in a month or even a few months although they can start to indicate progress. The best results start showing themselves after years of developing the right healthy eating, exercise, and spiritual daily routines. You chip at the stone with your hammer and chisel and pretty soon you have a beautiful statue.
Healthy eating begins with getting the right foods into your diet and eliminating the harmful sugars, fats, processed and restaurant foods. Exercise begins with even walking and should progress to stretching, building core, building upper body strength and adding aerobics.
Spiritual work develops from engaging in activities for which you have passion and developing your skills. If they are outdoors, you start increasing your connection to Nature and yourself. It also includes appreciating your self and your opportunity to make a difference while you are here. You don’t have to invent a vaccine, you can make those around you better enjoy their lives.
If you start developing a life that rewards you with pleasure, those around you will have more pleasure in your company and start to emulate some of your thinking and habits. The greater empathy and kindness you can show your circle of influence the more likely they are to pass it on.
Everyone can start building more happiness for themselves and those around them.
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Why Health and Fitness Can Lead to Happiness
Posted by: | CommentsHappiness often seems like the elusive dream. It is the goal of so many worthwhile pursuits. We have dreams as children of being successful and then being happy. What goes wrong so often in the process?
We confuse pursuit of worthwhile goals and achievement with behaviors that are the foundation of happiness. We are born happy and we can have happy anytime. We can have as much happiness as we can stand. Gay Hendricks in a great book called The Big Leap says our biggest obstacle is mostly that we don’t feel we deserve it.
Well that’s a slap in the face. Can you imagine that we are our own obstacle to what we want? Things happen to us when we are young that make us feel guilty about success, feeling better than others, feeling happy while others are suffering, being all that we can be and so on.
I found my path to happiness by building it anew from my own foundation. I had been pretty good in my life about achieving, making money, buying lots of toys, but happiness seemed to be hiding behind the next thrill. When I started eating healthy, I began a road of establishing a connection with myself and nature that delivered the goods.
Finding the beauty of health and fitness in our bodies that Nature, the Universe, or God gave us makes us appreciative that we weren’t just created to live a life of separation and toil. We are at one with all that is around us and we only need appreciate that after 3. 5 billion years of life, we have arrived. This is our day in the sun.
Be appreciative. Have gratitude that your mind, body, and spirit can achieve great self expression of what you believe, feel is important and/or want to contribute. The discipline, openness to risk, and courage I developed along the path gave rise to a life more in flow.
Flow is the engagement in activities that are your passions and yet are still challenging. In the process, you are lost in your own world without regard for time, judgment or reward. This produces dopamine which is the brain telling you in a natural process that you are on the right track.
Don’t buy more stuff. Get in touch with your own body and make it clean and exercised.
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Do We Feel We Deserve Happiness?
Posted by: | CommentsThe one experience philosophers from the beginning of time have said we seek is happiness. The Greeks said we seek it above all other experiences. Thomas Jefferson said we are entitled to live in happiness. Is it possible that we sabotage our happiness when we reach it or come so very close?
I feel that in my younger days I may have ruined perfect occasions when the feelings that I didn’t deserve it cropped into my subconscious. There are times when we have earned money or achievement or have a great relationship that we will do something to test it. If someone loves us we might test it with s0me negative behavior. If we have a great job, we might risk it with something unexpected.
Gay Hendricks in his book The Big Leap says even the most accomplished individuals hit a ceiling. At this limit point that pops up in their subconscious, they feel they don’t deserve any more good fortune. He points to the several reasons people often create to deprive themselves of the opportunity to move higher.
It is all too easy to point to the people we read about who achieve everything we would dream and then they totally self destruct. So many psychologists and authors love pointing to the lottery winners who get free money and soon destroy their lives.
I now feel I have created a state of sustained happiness that I deserve because I have built it from the ground up. It is one thing to live our lives and through our efforts reach a plateau and the think we don’t deserve it. It is another to design your life on some principals that are based on your connection to Mother Nature, the Universe, God or what ever you would like to call it.
Coming from the region of I didn’t deserve happiness, I started a program of healthy eating and exercise. My purpose was to lose weight. I don’t think lean was even in my forecast. As my program slowly developed results, I saw the potential. As healthy eating created so many fantastic benefits I wanted to add more exercise to build on the results.
The discipline and mind control I enjoyed in the process showed me the potential of creating any reality or goal with daily engagement. I learned what a fantastic and well oiled body nature gave us if we treated it right and how well our mind functions as a result of food, exercise, and appreciation or gratitude.
Once you have gratitude, you want to contribute and see others find the same results. Unlike losing money, its harder to lose gratitude. Its the gift that keeps giving. Once you start giving, there is daily reward that incites you to keep up the behavior. The attitude starts creating the feed back that is nourishing. You can’t get enough. Its hard to sabotage this type of experience.
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Can We Start the Young on a Happiness Path?
Posted by: | CommentsI was a very happy child. I had all sorts of interests and I loved to play outdoors. As I grew, my greatest pleasures were being in the mountains and hiking streams to fish. I loved skiing. I loved almost any kind of sport with a ball. I didn’t love studying so much.
As I progressed through college and tried my hand at accounting and after college, at law, I found I didn’t love detail too much. I wanted to be involved in bigger ideas with more creativity. Sales management proved to be my forte. But the other thing I discovered much later was that achievement, acquisition, and money didn’t really bring happiness. They brought me great buzzes and started me on my next quest for more.
What I eventually learned was that I had a real desire to be connected with the outdoors. I had a real need to express myself and contribute what I had learned for the improvement of the lives of others. These types of activities give me sustained happiness that have very little to do with material acquisitions.
I have found that engaging in my passions is what makes my life feel purposeful. Daniel Goleman in Emotional Intelligence says that flow is the highest form of emotional intelligence. Neurologists will tell you that engaging in activities that you love and find a challenge create our happiness brain chemical, dopamine.
My 25 year old daughter was developed with the principals on which I developed. She is very accomplished but realizes early that achievement has little to do with happiness. We agree that it would be great to give children an idea early on that happiness and the path to achievement might be different. However, they would be the same if your life became about pursuing your passions without primary concern for fame and fortune.
We have to be practical and earn a living, but a lot of people earn a living pursuing their passions. Children need to learn and advance through the educational system, but we need to pay real attention to their true aptitudes and what really excites them. Finding things that excite them and not just demanding they follow the grades, college, job routine to find happiness might create very inspired young adults.
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End of the Year Happiness
Posted by: | CommentsI feel very optimistic about the New Year and happy about what happened this year.
It has more to do with what I plan in my personal development than with economic or political factors. I don’t base my happiness on what everyone else is doing or not doing. Of course, there are factors in our families and jobs that impact our lives, but we have to absorb these issues into our total scheme, not make them our scheme.
Every road has bumps. The idea is to at least be on the right road. I am very happy with the plans I have in place to engage in my passions and I keep making progress. If I get to do more of what I love, how can I have a poor outlook.
I plan to make my relationships more meaningful and keep adding the friends I would like to have. I continue to engage in my professional pursuits and have plans to make them more productive. My physical and recreational pursuits are high priorities. I love to build websites and am building more. I have several writing projects because I do consider my self a writer. I also consider my self a surf professional so I have several activities engaged.
I can’t control China, India, or even my home town, but I can affect my own life.
Happy New Year.
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Happiness is a Universal Value
Posted by: | CommentsI just watched a great documentary on the Big Bang that started the Universe. Some say it is the ultimate question; how did the Universe begin, why, where is it headed? The Universe theoretically came from nothing and exploded into massive size in a few seconds at trillions of degrees fourteen billions of years ago.
It took a few hundred million years for sub atomic particles to cool down and form matter. Nine billions years later, the sun, the earth and our solar system were formed. Someone is not in a hurry.
There are billions of galaxies and maybe more universes. It can make the things we trifle over look rather small; even ridiculous. What we do is not going to affect the Universe and will have a hard time affecting earth. Maybe the most we can hope for is creating a better atmosphere in our own circle of influence.
Everyone responds to happy people and feel better for knowing them. Realizing that we have to deal with annoying things everyday, like making a living, shouldn’t detract from the fact we are part of something very very big. The more closely we can connect through appreciation that everything came from nothing, the more amazed we are. Even humans become complex creatures from just one cell.
The Universe is a giver. It just keeps giving. We can emulate that characteristic. The more we give, the happier we become. If you were going to pay it forward, you could make others happy knowing they in turn might make their associations more meaningful.
The human brain can’t do any better than happiness. The neurotransmitters that are associated with happiness like serotonin and dopamine respond to good deeds, engagement in activities that create flow, gratitude, generosity, inspiration.
You don’t have a billion years to get it right, so why not start now making a big difference.
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