Can We Leave the Pain and Sadness Behind?

As I have cut out TV and football, I find I have more time to myself.  I do run into times in the evening when I would normally turn on a football game and let it take over my mind.                         

Now I happily wonder what I should do with my time. Saturday and Sunday I spent more time outdoors and actually started planning some train trips around San Diego.

In the evenings, I find I have turned to my old friend music and have discovered SongArea.com where there is hardly anything in the last 50 years they have not digitally re mastered and made better than new.

I even listened to Phantom and Les Misrables each of which I have seen several times.

But I also wandered into the favorites I used to sing in my youth.

Then I listened to the Neil Diamond songs I used to dance my oldest daughter to sleep with when she was a baby. Now she’s 24 and living in London where I can’t see her often. I actually cried when I heard my favorite with Barbara Streisand and Neil Diamond singing “You Don’t Bring Me Flowers Anymore.”  I think I had happy and sad memories crashing together.

She’s the middle one in the picture. The same happens to her where there is the happiness of remembering and the sad of so much passing under the bridge.

I also took my daughter and her sister through a divorce which led to lots of heartbreaking times and feelings of separation and abandonment.

I feel very happy these days because I have gone through so much and I feel I can finally get my personal perks and self expression time. But what do I hide that I haven’t given myself room to contemplate because I can get passionate about the football and other TV pablum?

Maybe now I am on the road to finding out. Should we actually seek out the bad or sad memories?  I think not. But should we hide from anything that might be lurking beneath our eloquent busy ness that may seek to keep all those feelings suppressed?

I am continuing my journey to find out more about me by taking more off my plate and letting more new stuff in. My brain has never forgotten a single moment of my life.  By having no fear about what will come up and even giving it the opportunity maybe I can keep scraping down to the visceral where I have no fear of who I am and what I think.

Dealing with my demons and dark places will certainly bring light to my soul even if I have to go through some teary and regretful thoughts. I think it is worth it.

Try taking some things off your plate and opening up to what comes in.